Here are 10 Bad Pieces Of Advice New Parents Can Safely Ignore
Hey momma, remember the mailbox you set up during your pregnancy that read "please put in your mom advice"? Well, congratulations. You just survived labor and are trying to recover from childbirth, and your mailbox is already exploding. Only you didn't set up the mailbox, but someone else did, and now you get to hear all the unsolicited advice you never asked for.
The minute you become a mom, advice will fly in from all sides. There seems to be something about seeing new moms that makes people have this unexplainable urge to get their unasked opinion out of their bodies. Like it has to get out of their system.
While I think most advice you get as a new mom is well-intentioned, the truth is that sometimes advice just doesn't suit you, your baby, or your family. Maybe it is completely outdated or doesn't align with your parenting style. And sometimes it is just pure poo-poo, to say it nicely.
But as a new mom, this kind of advice can be really confusing.
You feel like you don't have much experience, and you might doubt your abilities as a mom. You are still unsure about many things, and there is so much to learn. You have a mother instinct, but somehow you don't fully trust it.
I am still receiving a ton of "help" about my parenting from other people, so I thought it would be nice to share with you the 10 worst pieces of advice for new mothers. My tip: Whenever you hear them, run the other way.
1. Sleep When The Baby Sleeps
Sleep when the baby sleeps sounds so easy in theory, but it is damn hard to accomplish in real life. Not only do you have one million other things to do while your baby is sleeping. It is also the only time you have to yourself. You might want to eat or shower, or you just want to scroll through your Instagram feed. And sometimes, even when you try to nap with your baby, you just can't because you're not used to taking naps at 9 AM in the morning. And what if you have other kids? My 2-year-old toddler was not always very understanding when it came to my naps. But that's just us.
2. Don't Hold Your Baby Too Long
I cannot believe that you still got to hear this today. I think this one is the worst parenting advice you can give to a new parent.
It has been proven by research that holding and cuddling your baby helps them be healthy and happy and creates a positive attachment with their caregiver. The old belief that a baby can manipulate their parents or gets used to getting carried is outdated, and you should never ever listen to this advice.
3. Enjoy Every Moment
Another example of bad advice for new parents. As much as I try to enjoy motherhood, the reality is that it is a wild ride with many ups and downs. And not only during the newborn phase. As a parent, it will be like this with babies, toddlers, young children, and teenagers. There will be good and bad days, and it's ok to acknowledge the bad days as well.
You cannot force yourself to enjoy every minute. And if you try to, it will make you only feel worse. Because deep down, you are not enjoying it, and you don't understand why.
Child care is tough. Crying, sickness, tantrums. Those are not things you have to enjoy. You should instead embrace that you had a shitty day and move on.
4. You Have To Sleep Train
People seem to be very interested in baby sleep. So often, it's the first thing they will ask you about. How is the baby sleeping? How often are they feeding at night? I see so many insecure parents thinking they have to sleep train their baby as soon as possible because someone told them to. Because otherwise, they will be...DOOMED.
The truth is you never have to sleep train your baby. Your child will eventually sleep whether you sleep train them or not. You don't have to be afraid that holding them to sleep will ruin their sleep for their entire life. And it is not the reason they are waking at night. It's normal for babies to wake. And if you feel that you want to do something about your baby's sleep, you can still choose from a large variety of gentle sleep training methods that will help improve your baby's sleep. But this is definitely not something you should even think about in the first few months.
5. You Have To Wait It Out
Here the opposite is happening. Sometimes you have trouble with your baby's sleep, but all you get to hear is to wait it out or accept it.
People who tell you such things probably did not experience the same thing you are, so they cannot relate to your struggle. But as I wrote, you don't have to sleep train, nor do you have to wait it out. There are tons of techniques that can help your baby improve your baby's sleep at the right time.
6. Never Wake A Sleeping Baby
I know that waking a baby seems cruel for some people (especially when they are called grandma). But if your baby sleeps too long during the day, their nighttime sleep will decrease. It's just as easy as that.
I always woke up my babies from their naps. Not as newborns, but I started waking them from their naps when they were 3-4 months old. Late afternoon naps and too long lunch naps meant very late evenings for us. And if I had not woken them up, we would've partied all night every night.
7. You need A Fixed Routine
Newborns make life very unpredictable. Their sleep is all over the place. Sometimes you breastfeed for hours. Sometimes they will only nap on your chest. The last thing you need during this time is a fixed routine or schedule to stress about.
During the newborn phase, you should try to go with the flow and take everything as easy as possible. You cannot put a newborn on a nap schedule. It will not work, and it will only stress you out. The reality is that your baby will start to show a more regular pattern of sleeping after around 3 months, all by themselves. Then you can start with a loose schedule or routine.
8. Avoid Eye Contact At Night
I know that many sleep trainers still put out this advice. But I am here to tell you that, yes, you can look into your baby's eyes even at night.
Apparently, too much eye contact will wake up the baby. And while it's true that you should keep a quiet atmosphere during night wakings, it's not true that you should avoid looking into your baby's eyes. I mean, seriously, doesn't it just feel weird trying to avoid looking at them?
9. Don't Breastfeed To Sleep
If you breastfeed your baby to sleep, they will never learn to fall asleep independently. Nursing your baby to sleep will surely ruin them. You will create a habit that is hard to break.
All of that is not true. Nursing to sleep is actually a great hack for many mothers, and they enjoy it. Can you believe that? Why bother trying to get your young baby to sleep in their bed when it can be this easy and works for you? If you don't mind feeding your baby to sleep, ignore this nonsense.
10. Ignore The State Of Your Home
Yes, cleaning your home should not be a priority when you are a new mom. But having a messy home can be triggering for some people. When you have a new baby at home, your life already feels out of control. And when your home is a mess, it can lead to more anxiety.
This does not necessarily apply to all parents, but when you look around and have this urge to clean as I sometimes do, then you should clean up. I don't find it realistic to ignore everything around you. I am not talking about having a super shiny and spotless home. But tidying up can make you feel a little bit more at peace.
Whenever you are getting advice from family, friends, or, oh yes, even strangers in the supermarket, there is one important thing you should always remember: advice is always personal. So whenever someone gives you advice, remind yourself that it is based on their personal experience.
You can listen to it, but you don't have to take it. It's ok to have boundaries and let people know when their advice is not needed. Always do what feels right for you and your family.
